J. D. Vance Did NOT Have Sex With a Couch. I Repeat, Vance Did NOT Fornicate With the Furniture!

There is a bizarre rumor going around Twitter (Fuck you, Elmo, I ain’t callin’ it X) that J.D. Vance wrote in his book Shillbilly Eulogy (or whatever the fuck it was called) that Vance, when he was a teenager, had placed an inverted latex glove betwe…